He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
