i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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