i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
