smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
kristin has been a bad kristin
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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