smell my finger.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
