Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
