Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
