Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
