you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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