do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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