I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
