I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
