I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
