Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
