It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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