You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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