Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
