Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
