Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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