Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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