I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
