i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
