You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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