nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
