Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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