You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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