So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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