I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
