If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
