im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
