if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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