if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Come see our sink grown plant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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