her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
