i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
