everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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