the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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