the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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