Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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