C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
