We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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