Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
