Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Never underestimate the power of titties
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