my vag is so smooth its legendary
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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