in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
