what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
