now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
