This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
