god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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