i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
