I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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