We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
