oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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