Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm passing your future prison.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
