im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
